Hello, Inklings!

I'M OFFICIALLY DONE WITH JUNIOR YEAR. The last final hath been vanquished, the dreaded research paper is in the hands of my teacher,  I have undergone the torturous ordeal of the SAT, and I finally have some time to breathe! Granted, I have the ACT in a couple of days--but let me have my bliss! (Consider this May's Scoop as well). 

This year was pretty new and different. After going to a "traditional" school for my freshman and sophomore year, I made the decision to homeschool the rest of highschool (I take most of my classes online). I stopped dance completely after being devoted to it for thirteen years. I learned a lot about myself and other people, tried to juggle school and a life outside of school, realized it was okay to make mistakes every once in a while, read some great books late into the night, went on many adventures with friends, and drank an unearthly amount of coffee.

Looking back on some of the amazing opportunities and experiences I had this past school year, I am oh-so-glad that things worked out the way they did. Even though there were some times when I felt alone, unsure, and desperate for some sign that I was doing the right thing, I still somehow find comfort in the fact that I'm where I am for a reason.

I'm really excited for what summer will bring! I'm heading off to study literature in England for two weeks (squee!) and am excited to write, sketch, spend time with friends, volunteer, and try to get my life in gear before senior year. 

What I did in May:
  • Went on a 21 mile walking pilgrimage with some friends. 
  • Memorized Canto I of the Inferno for school (yes, I procrastinated on this).
  • Wrote about 15 pages of essays in 1 week (yes, I also procrastinated on this).
  • Got my first non-automated rejection (for a short story).
  • Played fiddle at an Irish music festival.

>> Current Favorites: Studio Ghibli soundracks, peach iced tea, reading in the sunshine, going on long walks, trying out new outfit combinations. 

>> I re-started my blog Instagram. Check it out @inthedepthsofdreams to stay connected. 

I hope you all had an amazing May + have a fabulous June!

~ K A T H R Y N

Hello, Summer Break!

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Hello, Inklings!

Welcome back to the May edition of Tea and a Read. Apologies for missing the last two months--things got a little out of whack for a while! (I numbed my school-related stress with an impressive amount of Wodehouse...)


Brideshead Revisited: The Sacred and Profane Memories of Captain Charles Ryder by Evelyn Waugh. 

This book is the perfect springtime read, with the wintery and stagnant life of an older Charles being contrasted with nostalgic remembrances of younger, springy-er days. 
The book is steeped in Catholicism (Waugh was a convert), but it is never the most prominent theme of the book, rather "haunting" behind the scenes and beckoning to various characters at different points of the story. Other themes include food (the food descriptions are delicious, and it is fascinating to see how Waugh connotates certain foods with certain people), youth, travel, and what makes a home a home (Charles seeing the world through the eyes of a painter/connoisseur of architecture definitely reveals his character and the main themes of the book in a striking way).

This book is definitely a re-read!


For the longest time I've been using bagged tea, and while that is certainly convenient, there is nothing more Austen-esque than measuring out your loose leaf tea for a brew. We splurged a little and got a couple of loose leaf teas from David's Teas, and they are amazing. I've been enjoying the lavender swirl for its creamy and floral notes. You know the "gray stuff" mentioned in the song "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast? I totally imagine that it tastes like this tea.

I can't wait to see what you all have been reading and sipping this month! There aren't any rules for the link-up, just share your tea and a read + pop in a link back to this blog if you feel so inclined.

Have a smashing day!

~ K A T H R Y N 

Tea and a Read // May 2019

Friday, May 10, 2019

Hello, Inklings!

Welcome back to another edition of The Scoop--my monthly wrap-up post/place to dump random bits of nonsense that don't fit anywhere else on this blog. 

{ what i read }
Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones ★★★★ 
Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh ★★★★★
An Ideal Husband by Oscar Wilde ★★★

I also read some great poems:
"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" and "The Journey of the Magi" by T.S. Elliot
"The Second Coming" by W.B. Yeats

{ happenings }

  • UGH ALL THE STRESS. Being a junior is kind of hard and I need more sleep. I've been studying and doing homework non-stop. I feel really bad about letting my post plans/writing projects get pushed aside, but my top priority right now is finishing the school year strong + college planning. I'm also learning to say "no" to things that I'd like to do but just don't have time for. It's definitely been a month of learning and growing. ;)
  • I now have three pen-pals and have been eagerly receiving and sending letters. In addition to letters, we send tea bags, polaroids, small artwork, quotes, and other fun things. My amazing artist friend sent me this little Howl and Sophie watercolor and I adore it. <3
  • I went on my first college visit. 
  • Celebrated Easter with my family! I was able to hang out with my adorable younger cousins, eat lots of delicious food, and attend beautiful masses and services during Holy Week.

We attended a family wedding celebration this month and Pippin and I had a fun time picking out our outfits. :)

{ favorite things }
  • When we weren't getting snow dumped on us (snow? In April?!), the weather was pretty great! It was beautiful on Easter and it was so fun to spend the day outside in the backyard watching the younger cousins play. 
  • Writing poetry for the sake of writing poetry. For a while now I've been in a sort of rut--I've been trying new writing styles/posts based on what I think is popular at the moment. This month I've been trying to reconnect with my true writing style and have enjoyed writing so much more. None of the writing I've posted this month was written exclusively for the blog--I wrote it out raw and real the first time, then did some light editing.
  • Annotating poetry. There is nothing more exciting to me than peeling back the layers of a poem and trying to get to the root of it. I'm currently self-studying the modernist movement and the writers that shaped it--poetry exposes the underlying motives and emotions of the time period better than any history book could. 
  • I'm currently doing 33 Days to Morning Glory, which is like DIY retreat focused on Marian consecration. Even though it's as simple as reading a five-minute reflection in bed at the end of the day, it's been fruitful, inspiring, and grace-giving. 

{ coming soon }

Posts might be sporadic this coming month due to exams and final projects, but I have lots of fun things waiting in the draft box! Comment down below what you'd like to see more of--poetry, writing, satire, lifestyle, etc.

I hope you all have a wonderful May!

~ K A T H R Y N

The Scoop // 4.19

Friday, May 3, 2019

flames devour an age-old body
lick at a wearied soul and mind
leaping higher and higher 
hoping to destroy the tallest spire
that they may tear her down 
crumbling and sobbing to the ground
reduced to the dust from whence she came

the world watches with bated breath--
wondering if the pillars of truth will prove to be weak
whether the skeleton of tradition will crack like dry earth
mere murmurings of a delusional body of soldiers
fighting the futile battle in a candle-smoke trance

and the whisperers of gilded mendacity
stab her with dull-tipped daggers
striving to pull apart that which has stood
stolid and steadfast
they dart into the fire and feed the flames
that consume her glassy eyes with ravaging greed
sweeping away the dusty cobwebs of poisonous myth

she shakes and rocks on trembling timbers
the world watches in awe
terror and rapture written on its face
she finally bows in quiet grace
all is silent like the darkened tomb

and as dust filters through the earth
a stirring of vitality trembles the depths
the phoenix rises up from the ashes 
the dormant awaken and the blind see
with crystal clarity 
that still the sun rises

despite her brokenness
she is beautiful and somehow knows
that still the sun rises
piercing the shadows with the knife
of that old magic, veritas semper

image taken by me

"Repair My House."
--Christ to St. Francis of Assisi

~  K A T H R Y N

Still the Sun Rises

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Last year for English class I had to write a short dystopian story. I ended up getting into a lot of world-building, enough for a full-fledged novel. I've decided to continue expanding on my world by writing several short stories, each from a different perspective. You can view the first installment of my dystopian fiction commentary here and the short story previously mentioned here

via Google Images

The skin sags on the frail frame of the body, almost translucent. The veins are purple, more prominent than ever. This particular Elder has large glasses framing tired eyes, the lenses are thicker than any Timothy has ever seen before. Yes, this one definitely has to go, but what a pity. The patient's chattering has been amusing, even endearing, Timothy always stares at the patients with fascination tinged with horror. He's afraid of aging, so much so that he lies in bed, restless, unable to sleep as his mind imagines what death feels like. He pictures himself as one of his patients.
His heart pounds. Oh, glorious, glorious blood rushing through veins! Pump heart, pump while you still can...

He jerks up in bed, breathing heavily as he yanks himself out of the nightmare. It's early morning, shy lilac light filtering through the old wooden blinds. He won't try to go back to sleep. He slides out of bed, groggily making his way to the bathroom. He never takes his eyes from the mirror as he brushes his teeth, combs his hair, slips into the crisp hospital scrubs he has folded neatly the night before. They're a garish teal, speckled with half-distinguishable cartoon characters. Donald Duck grins at him maliciously as if to say ready to age another day? Is 30 too young to have gray hairs? Of course it is.
He shudders and walks out, heading to the kitchen.

As he munches raisin bran he flips on the TV, letting the mind-numbing colors and pictures wash over him like a balm. Sometimes he gets the irrepressible urge to think about things, his mind exploring the nooks and crannies of those taboo subjects. If he talked about them at work he'd lose his job, so he doesn't even let himself think them. But that was the dilemma.

Wondering about age and death and the current state of affairs was like a deep wound, hastily covered up with a band-aid and needing air exposure to heal. He knew that if he ripped off the band-aid and ruminated over things for a while he might be able to make sense of it all. But maybe not. Killing people and being killed are both equally unpleasant when you think about it. He tips the bowl back, drinking the remaining milk from the bowl. Almost time to go.

He grabs the car keys and his phone. Halfway down the apartment staircase, the phone starts ringing and he rolls his eyes, annoyed. Why did his mother pick the most inconvenient times to call? He almost ignores the call but thinks better of it--his mother would only keep trying.  He picks it up. "Mom?" No answer.

"Mom, please make it quick, I need to get to work." He jogs down the rest of the staircase, walking out into the open air and towards the garage. He waits a couple of seconds, then hangs up. Disconnected. The phone rings again. He opens the car door and puts the phone up to his ear.

Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump.
It's a steady beating, and he's heard it before, somewhere. It sounds vaguely like a heartbeat.

"Mom, you're having phone trouble. Get dad to check out your service, okay?" He grumbles, starting the car. Can she even hear him? If she thinks that he hung up on her then there would be hell to pay later. Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump.

He ends the call, pulling out of the driveway. The ride downtown is slow and monotonous as always, and he stares listlessly through the dirty windshield as he listens to the radio. The bass fills the car in a glorious rush, and he smiles with satisfaction as his spirits lift.
Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump.

And they say life's too short for games, but I like playing 'em
He sings along.
Can't take it with you, with you, with you, and so I'm living it up, up, up... Inspired by XOX's newest hit, he has a spontaneous dance party in his car. He doesn't care who sees, because he's alive and everything is glorious and he has a job and a home of his own and lives in a beautiful city and--
Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump.
And there was that odd sound again. Where was it coming from? He turns off the music, straining his ear. It's stopped.

He furrows his brow in confusion, turning into the parking lot of the hospital.
Riding the elevator up to the top floor, he readies himself for the day's work. He can't remember how many patients he has today. He can't remember how many he had yesterday. That was the thing, with these people. There were always so many, but the procedure was quick. A swift reassurance of heavenly blessings, a stick with a needle, and it was all over. No use having a whole lot of people around who were just inconveniences to hard-working citizens, and besides, the surgeries were useless. They'll just die anyway.

He strides into the office, plastering on a smile as he passes the pretty girl at the front desk. What was her name? He's forgotten, but she looks like a Peyton. One of these days he will get up the nerve to ask her her name, maybe invite her to dinner. One of these days.
Informed that the patient is waiting for him in the little room at the end of the hallway, he quickly gathers the necessary instruments and papers, waves to a fellow operator, and strides into the room. He stops dead in his tracks, feeling as if someone has thrown a brick at his chest.

There, on the papered table is his mother. Her painfully skinny legs dangle far off the ground, and she looks cold and small in the thin hospital gown. Her eyes are red-rimmed. She's been crying.
"Hello, hunny. Funny that you're the one who'll be sending me off, huh? I give you life and you give me death? Haha!" She starts laughing hysterically and Timothy runs his hands through his hair, his throat constricting like the time he found out he was allergic to tree nuts. He runs towards her, feeling a strange urge to squeeze her hand. He puts down the instruments and papers and gives her a tight hug. He hasn’t done that in a long time.

"Mom! Why are you here?" It has to be a mistake. Yes, that's what it is. His mind races.
"I needed the surgery after all, and you know the new policy. The older-than-60s get the send-off to Happy Land and that's the way it's gonna be. It's fine really, it's the law. It just came faster than I thought it would, you know what I mean, hunny? And, my word, imagine my baby being the one to do it for me. It does make things a bit better, doesn't it?" She trails off, deliriously babbling.
He struggles to breathe.

"I'm not going to do it. We'll get you the surgery, and you'll be fine. Fine, do you hear me? And anyone who says differently will have to deal with me." He's angry now, rage pulsing in his jugular. The world has flipped upside down and he is flailing in the blackness of space.
"But, hun, you know it's the law. And it does make sense, I suppose."
"Who cares for the damn law?" Timothy explodes, his voice rising to a panicked roar. There's an insistent knock on the door. A timid voice inquires if everything is alright, and he says yes, it is. But it isn't.

"I'm not letting you do this. We'll find a way out." He says, pacing the room.
"Think about it, hunny. I'm sick. I can't get better unless I have that surgery. It makes sense that they don't operate on over-60s, because they'll just die sooner than later. They do it to save money and time and keep the population in check. You know that, dear. It’s sensible. You learned it at your medical school, didn't you?"

He hadn't. The policy was new, instituted four years ago. How had he been so blind?
"Goodbye, hunny. I hope this won't shake you up too much, it really shouldn't you know. It's the law. It’s the way things are meant to be done." She grabs the syringe and pushes it into her paper-thin skin before he can stop her. He lets out a scream and a doctor runs into the room.
“What’s going on?” The doctor says, bemused. He looks at the limp form on the table. “Need some help?” Timothy can’t speak, the blood draining out of his face.

Thumpinggg thump thump thuuuuuuump.
The sound. It’s surrounding him, it’s in his body, he can’t shake it from his head. He grabs the needle.


This story was inspired by an article on Live Action I read a while ago. Recently I've been practicing short stories, and it's been a lot of fun! Short stories are great because you're not tied to writing a full novel but can still develop your story and characters a good amount. I also have a tendency to be a little long-winded and prosy in my writing, so short stories challenge me to be more concise and snappy.

One of the criticisms I got when I ran this story past a friend was that my meaning was a bit too nebulous and I should make it slightly clearer for those not familiar with the topics I'm exploring. I think she brings up a good point, and I was wondering what you all thought. What would you have liked to see in this story? What worked/didn't work?

I apologize for the wonky formatting of this post, I'm not sure how to fix it! (Blogger can be so frustrating at times...) Stay tuned for the April installment of Tea and a Read coming later this week!

Have a fabulous day,

~ K A T H R Y N

They'll Just Die Anyway: A Short Story

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

gunning it down the main road
places to be and people to see

 i smile at the people that please me
 i smile at the ones i need to impress so as to rise in the ranks
of that blank-faced army whose battle cry is steely success

i don't have time
for anything, really
it's just rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush


heartbeat thump thump thump thump thump thump thump
be still
my heart
it becomes clear as glass
i'm picking up jagged shards of a shattered reality
a broken face reflected by a broken life

i have done everything and nothing

when was the last time
i was kind to someone
for the sake of kindness
for the sake of the soul behind sad eyes
for the sake of a fellow wanderer
on this short journey?

my life on this orb is but a blink
in the eye of eternity
i see that now

slow down
drive too fast
and it all flashes before your eyes
a blur of half-remembered memories
thin outlines of a half-lived life

image taken by me

~ K A T H R Y N

What a Rush

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Hello, Inklings!

Welcome back to another edition of The Scoop--my monthly wrap-up post/place to dump random bits of nonsense that don't fit anywhere else on this blog. You can check out February's Scoop here.

{ what i read }
Leave it to Psmith by P.G. Wodehouse ★★★★
Very Good, Jeeves by " ★★★★★
A Good Man is Hard to Find by Flannery O'Connor (short story) ★★★★★

{ happenings }
  • My church's pro-life group went on tour! We traveled by bus to Springfield, IL and St. Louis, MO for a two-day road trip full of rallying, adventuring, and spreading a joyful message. Check out this article if you're interested in learning more about the trip. It was a great experience and I'm really thankful that I was able to go! 
  • I did quite a lot of writing, so I wasn't as active on le blog...but never fear! I have three very fun posts coming soon.  I was working on The Crow List (my novel), short stories for submissions, and planning some things for the blog.
I use too many Star Wars  GIFS on this blog but no matter
  • I saw Anastasia! It was my first time going to a Broadway show and it was an absolute dream to be able to see one of my favorite musicals. The show was beautifully done, the costumes were fabulous, and the music was amazing (of course).
  • I got sick again...there is nothing worse than planning out your to-do list the night before, getting sick in the middle of the night, and consequently being unable to fulfill everything on your massive to-do list. Curse you, vile germs. Go back from whence you came. 
  • I volunteered at the food pantry, saw some good friends, celebrated St. Patrick's Day with my grandparents in Milwaukee, played Dungeons and Dragons, and worked on sketching. 
{ favorite things }
  • I've been loving the beautiful Lent at Ephesus album. It's been on repeat this Lent and I 10/10 recommend it. <3
  • It's finally starting to warm up and feel a bit more Spring-y, and I am totally living for it!
  • I gave up social media for Lent (Instagram, YouTube, Pinterest) and it has been so...freeing? I never realized how much social media enhanced my feelings of longing and emptiness. I plan on keeping my socials active for the present because they can be both fun and useful, but I have been reevaluating the people I follow/am followed by (i.e.,"friends" from dance) and thinking about how much time I invest in these platforms. Until recently, I have felt weak or unfriendly (for lack of better terms) in wanting to remove fake or unkind people from my life. I now realize that life is too short to surround yourself with "friends" who are only friendly when you like their photo. It sounds really silly writing it out like that, but seriously, being a teenage girl is stinkin' complicated. :O I hope that I'll be granted the wisdom to continue growing, healing, and making the right decisions as I learn to identify and remove things from my life that are not edifying or worthy of my time and attention.

What have you been up to this March? What is your favorite musical? Are you excited for warmer weather? Have a wonderful rest of your weekend!

~ K A T H R Y N

** Image in banner via befunky editing

The Scoop // 3.19

Sunday, March 31, 2019

the fae dance when all is quiet
they waltz with the wind and
twirl with the trees
none escape from the folds of that dream

he sings on the eve
a melancholy song
reminding me
that it's been too long

waves licking sandy shores
the hum of silence bores into my ears
ancient waters beckon to me
holding secrets beneath their rolling depths

a promise never broken
a constant reminder 
of the boundless love
with which we are showered

do you remember
those pink lemonade summers
when we danced in the sunshine and
bathed in the starlight
sweat trickling down our backs 
and mouth-to-mouth grins
spread on popsicle faces?

and then i thought
maybe we are not so different after all
maybe i have been looking through a dirty mirror
a mirror filmed over with the dust and grime 
of my own preconceptions

a single touch 
sets it all in motion
the mixing and mingling
of foreign waters
burgeons life
or flourishes darkness

I recently cleaned out the family camera and found some pictures that I took last year. Nothing inspires me more than outdoor photography, and I love using the pictures I take as prompts for poetry or prose. These photos are from a trip we took to Door County, WI, as well as a couple from last summer in our backyard. 

What is your favorite photography subject? What camera do you use? Tell me your favorite photography tips in the comments below!

~ K A T H R Y N


Sunday, March 10, 2019

Hello, Inklings!
Welcome back to another edition of The Scoop--my monthly wrap-up post/place to dump random bits of nonsense that don't fit anywhere else on this blog. You can check out January's Scoop here.

{ what i read }
  • The Runaway King by Jennifer A. Nielson ★★★★
  • The Shadow Throne by  " ★★★★
  • The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe by. C.S. Lewis ★★★★
{ happenings }
  • Got accepted to a summer study-abroad program....I'm going to ENGLAND! *shriek* I'm thrilled and beyond grateful for this amazing opportunity! I will definitely be keeping you all updated on this new adventure.
  • Attended a conference at the University of Chicago entitled "Science, Creation, and the Catholic Imagination." The lecturers were great and I learned a lot about how faith, reason, and science work together.
  • Went to my first Irish music session and squeaked out played a couple of tunes on my fiddle. 'Twas quite fun (and humbling, haha).
  • Went to the Shedd Aquarium with some good friends and had a fun adventure that involved snow, squid hats, and terrible puns. It was super crowded because it was a free day for Illinois residents, but we saw a lot of cool creatures and met an adorable sea lion. 
  • Celebrated my blogaversary with a Q&A.
Snowy downtown Chicago.
{ favorite things }
  • Writing a ton of letters and sending them off to people for no reason (I also bought some cheap sealing wax and have been sticking seals on everything I possibly can. I may or may not be imagining myself in an Austen novel). 
  • Babysitting my little cousins + listening to their hilarious chatter. 
  • Making up songs on the piano. I'm hoping to share some of my music on here later this year!
  • Listening to the Anastasia Broadway soundtrack.
  • Consuming copious amounts of tea (per usual).
  • Days getting longer and lighter. 
via pinterest
  • I've been dreaming of warm places and sunshine! I'm currently a cold, pale, and pasty vampiress suffering from seasonal affective disorder and it is not cute. 
  • I finished The Ascendance Trilogy by Jennifer A. Nielson and it KILLED ME (in the best possible way, of course). Give it a try!
  • I really haven't had much time for creative writing and have been doing a lot of lifestyle/journal posts. Some of my more long-term readers will remember that I used to primarily post poems, short stories, and reflections. I don't like to confine myself to a certain "blogging niche" but tell me if you would rather see more writing posts than lifestyle posts. I don't know whether they're boring or not... (like this one, for example) and won't post them if they don't interest my readers. I'd also like to tackle some more controversial topics in the reflection style I used to do when I was younger, but don't know how those would be received as I know my readers come from a wide variety of viewpoints and I don't want to make anyone feel unwelcome (I encourage discussion, but I feel as if lots of misunderstandings can occur when you're not talking face-to-face). Give me feedback, my dear readers! :D
A quick Bilbo sketch.

{ goals for March }
  • Get better about time management. *sheepish grin*
  • Volunteer at the food pantry.
  • Sketch more and focus on faces (I can't draw eyes for the life of me).
  • Celebrate Tolkien Reading Day :D
  • Amp up the time I'm spending on studying for standardized tests + APs.
  • Have a really great start to Lent.
Overall, February was very busy in regards to schoolwork, extracurriculars, and other responsibilities. I'm grateful for all the opportunities that are available to me, but I'm hoping March will be a bit calmer. ;)

How was your February?

~ K A T H R Y N

The Scoop // 2.19

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Hello, Inklings!

We've all met those people who are so infernally positive all the time that you can't help but want to smack them over the head with a frying pan and tell them to commiserate with your misery already.

If you're one of those people...then, congratulations. Ode to happiness, huzzah huzzah. Get off my blog.

Just kidding, my dear fellows. All people are welcome on this digital journal. But if you're looking to perfect your skills of pessimism and become the best curmudgeon you can possibly be, then look no further. In this comprehensive guide, I'll be giving you tips and tricks on how you can enhance ingratitude, earn yourself the title of "most likely to be cast as Eeyore in the interpretive dance adaptation of Winnie the Pooh," and generally gloomify your outlook on life. Ready to get started? Let's go!

1. Always want more.
Sure, you have a roof over your head, food on your table, and access to the Lord of the Rings films (extended edition). You're almost tempted to be grateful. DO NOT FALL PREY TO THIS ODIOUS TRAP. Appreciating even small things like warm showers, sharpened pencils, and hand lotion is a sure way to start feeling more blessed, and this will undoubtedly impede your progress towards reaching prime curmudgeon status. 

2. Always blame others for your problems.
Always blame others for your problems (even if they are your own fault or aren't technically problems at all). Why? Engaging in the art of blaming others will fuel constant fuming, feelings of smugness and/or superiority, and will ensure that none of your problems will ever be solved (which is key if you want to continue to flourish as an unhappy grouch). Let me illustrate my point with a common scenario. Let us say that you are upset that it snowed today and you can't drive to Starbucks to get your low fat, dairy free, coffee free latte. Naturally, being the good curmudgeon that you are, you refuse to accept this fact and immediately focus your efforts on finding someone to blame for this tragic occurrence. You settle on your cousin Jimmy because yesterday when Jimmy came to your house, he sneezed. Naturally, this contributed to increased moisture in the air. And if pollution wasn't an issue, we wouldn't be experiencing global freezing right now. The nerve!
In brief: Blame others for your problems in order to enhance ingratitude, make enemies, and guarantee that none of your problems will ever be solved because Other People should be taking care of them (and stupidly don't).
Ugh, people
3. Keep your mind closed and your mouth open.
Keeping an open mind is overrated, and quite frankly, useless. Why would you listen to the opinions of other people when you know that you're in the right? A good curmudgeon has a mind as sharp as a steel trap (and as rigid as one). If you don't keep an open mind, then you can recycle your arguments over and over, saving much time and effort.

It isn't easy being right all the time.
4. Dealing with small children.
One must always enforce and expect perfect behavior in children, especially young ones. When you encounter an unruly youngster at the grocery store, simply whip out your coldest glare and proceed to make both parent and child uncomfortable. You'll be the instrument in the reformation of many a troubled youth without ever saying a word.

Little buggers...someone ought to duct tape their mouths shut.
5. Hone the skill of passive-aggressiveness (and just plain aggressiveness).
Does your mind effortlessly invent the perfect backhanded insult? Did you graduate top of your class in Snark School? Channel this talent and devote your time and attention to crafting crushing replies, suspicious compliments, and withering remarks. Also practice rolling your eyes in front of the mirror, paying close attention to the intensity and dramatic effect of each roll--they might just roll right out of your head! Regularly groom your eyebrows so that they are in optimal condition for hardcore scowling, glaring, and skeptical raising. Armed with these weapons, you'll be ready to combat the nitwittedness and general idiocy running rampant in our troubled world.

You power human you.

~ K A T H R Y N

** image in header via befunky.com
***GIFs via google images

My Guide to Being a Curmudgeon

Thursday, February 28, 2019